A Couple of Mallards Standin' Around and Shootin' the Gab!

photo by ana traina

SCENE ONE.

It's a cold and bitter day in New York City. The almost exact location, somewhere in Central Park. 

(SILENCE as the trees whistle in the sharp wind... then we hear the faint sound of ice cracking.)

MALLARD #1
These winters are killing me... The webbing between my... Oh forget about it... What's the use of complainin' anyway, right?

MALLARD #2
Right.

Silence.

MALLARD #3
I played my number today.

MALLARD #1
Yeah. Good for you.

MALLARD #3
Yeah. I played 555, and if I win I’m headin' south. Way south. As far south as I can get. That's how far south I'll be headin'.

MALLARD #1
Well, good luck ta ya. That’s a real good number.

MALLARD #3
Yeah.

Pause

MALLARD #1
I like the number 5... it has that certain, I don’t know what it is...(nodding his head) Yep. That's a real good number you picked.

Silence.

MALLARD #3
Oh fuck it! It’s not my number, it’s my sister’s number.

MALLARD #1
It’s still a good number.

MALLARD #3
Yeah... It’s a palindromic number --

MALLARD #2
A what?

MALLARD #3
It’s palindromic. A palindromic number... it's a number that is the same when you write it forwards or backwards or even sideways, it’s scientific, like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...

Silence.

MALLARD #4 
(shifting back and forth to stay warm)
Well, somethin’ good's bound to happen soon... cause there is a 75% chance that there is a 98% chance that something really good is going to happen.

MALLARD #2
Let me ask you a serious question, do you pull these statistics out of your ass, or do you spend your entire day looking them up?

MALLARD #1
Oh, the webbin' between my left flipper is absolutely fuckin’ killin’ me.

The ice cracks. Black out.