Barkella B. Barkson Exclusive; Kyu ‘stalking!

photo by ana traina

All the way from Ping Ping Penitentiary in Outoutoftheway,NY, Zingertales brings you a live feed from, Ms. Barkella B. Barkson talking to Kyu Cohen a.k.a Lil’ Puss, a notorious and elusive criminal with a record nine miles long.  He was caught red-pawed, pulling all the strings in the Youtan Poluo flower smuggling ring from his comfy porch, in a remote town called East Chatham.  Lil’ Puss was apprehended against all doggie-odds when Lemmie the Wondrous Bat Dog sniffed out the rare Youtan Poluo flower's scent.  Lemmie deducted that the seductive perfume was surely coming from the East.  Yes,  East Chatham, NY is where she found those smugglers and the flower's source...  Lemon Drop returned to her adoring fans a heroine once again with the Youtan Poluo flowers and its Buddha source -- However, there's was wrinkle in the story, Lil’ Puss loudly meowed he was innocent! Could it be true? Did Lemmie nail the wrong puss?  

photo by ana traina

Kyu: Let me just tell you right off the bat Barkella, I’m innocent. 

Barkella: I’m sure it's all been a terrible mistake.

Kyu: Purr. Hmm.

Silence.

Barkella: Kyu, that’s such an interesting name? Is that Japanese?

Kyu: (With a glint in his eyes and smiling through his fangs) I know how you operate Barkella, I seen you on the Doggie Network and I've read some of your “profiles” in that rag,  Zingertales.  And I’m tellin’ ya now, Barkella, you’re never gonna get this Lil’ Puss to shed a tear.

Barkella meets his gaze in kind.

Barkella: Isn’t it true, Kyu is Japanese for nine?

Kyu: You are correct in your assumption.

Barkella: How did you get that name?

A low hissing is heard.

Barkella: My sources tell me that your mother threw you out from the barn loft when you were barely four days old... Yet, you survived.

Kyu: She had her reasons --

Barkella: (shaking her head in disbelief) But somehow you were able to crawl back up into that loft to be with her. Then she left you, again, when you were just over a week old... you were alone, hungry, flea ridden and barely alive, when she took, with her, the only true friends you ever had, your brother and sister.  

Kyu: Well, what can I say, it’s not only a dog eat dog world out there. It’s a very well known fact of life Barkella, Puss eats puss too.

Barkella: (shaking her head in disbelief, once more) Come on, level with me, that must have hurt.

Kyu: Barkella --

Barkella: But you still came to your mother’s aide when she was run down on that lonely back street called End Road. 

Silence.

Kyu: Let me put it to you this way Barkella, I did what needed to be done. 

Barkella: Still you must have felt something while your mother laid dying in your paws?

Kyu: Let me put it to you this way, I’m a survivor.

Barkella: And she never said she was sorry for leaving you?

Silence.

Kyu: Listen, I did alright for myself. Like I said, I’m a survivor. I’ve been beaten, flea eaten, attacked by vicious dogs and knock-knocked on death’s door a time or two in my day, but I survive. Yeah. Nobody gave me zip, zero, I had to claw my own way up from the very bowels of this here earth. Hey, I’m not denying that I’m the head of a highly organized back alley gang, but let me say this, I ain’t no smuggler.  I may be a petty cat-burglar, for which I done my time, but I don’t deal in flowers. That can be a very poisonous and deadly game, ya hear what I’m telling you Barkella. I will admit, I do steal from the rich. You think their gonna miss a bowl of milk when they got hundreds of cows. I don’t think so-- 

Barkella:  I see we are running out of time, so I just want to ask you one last thing... 

Barkella poised, poses the question. 

Kyu: Okay, shoot.

Barkella: Tell me about your work at St. Francis’s Kitty Orphanage down in the Bowery.  

Kyu: (on the verge of tears) I take care of my own.

Barkella: And so you do. You’re rather like a Robin Hood, stealing from the rich and giving, what some would say, is a lot of kitten kibble.

Kyu: (his laugh drowning in tears) Oh, you’re good Barkella Barkson. You are very good.

Stay glued to Zingertalesandmore for an exclusive interview with Lemon Drop and hear what she has to say! I’m Ana Traina and this is Zingertales.