Friday, February 27, 2015

Little Miracles

Beckett Blue February 26th, 2015
Yesterday morning was so very hectic and full of excitement as I tried to get ready to go to my drawing class in Williamstown. Which is rather a trek, forty minutes away from where I live, and I thought I would never get out on time.   I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go even though I had been waiting for this class for over three months.

So, after feeding, medicating and washing Beckett, I went out to tend Winston our Wondrous Wabbit in the garden.  Beckett and Odie followed. Well, Beckett watched from his new founded perch, the porch, with swooping bluejays and a very formidable red squirrel to keep him company.

I was just about to open Winston’s hutch when down the road, I heard the rumblings of the H & L fuel truck… O no!!!  Ever so quickly I grabbed onto Odie fearing that the truck would enter our driveway and might not see a greeting Odie. However, all my fears were allayed as I saw him parked on the road… so very thoughtful.  Then, I scrambled over to Beckett, and…

Just as the H & L fuel man entered our driveway on foot, Beckett, who needed no red cape to leap off our four foot high porch, galloped through two feet of hardened snow to make sure that the possible intruder stayed at a safe distance. Luckily, the fuel man had a great love for dogs, and some very tasty dog biscuits.

I just stood there with my mouth gaping, replaying Beckett’s stumbling, yet somehow, still powerful and graceful gallop! What an amazing and beautiful will Beckett has even at this stage of his life.  It made me think of  this quote from Thomas Merton, “Life is this simple: we are living in a world that is absolutely transparent and the divine is shining through it all the time. This is not just a nice story or a fable, it is true. ” Yes, little miracles are happening all around us…making our journey and our hearts so very full.

And on that note, I want to leave you with another wondrous thing that I have discovered, Doggie diapers.  They are amazing!!

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Yesterday was a Very Good Day!

Beckett Blue ~ February 25 2015
I am broken and I cannot be fixed
But yesterday was a very good day...
I nibbled on turkey,  cheddar cheese
and peanut butter treats.
I actually pranced to the car... and
 we drove to Pittsfield,  Massachusetts 
on a heated seat, sprinkled with sweet caresses.
O' and I hardly stared off between the here and there.

Yes, I am broken, and I cannot be fixed
But, yesterday was a very good day, indeed!

Wednesday, February 25, 2015


Beckett Blue February 25th 2015

Last night I decided to sleep on the couch in the TV room next to Beckett as Scott is not here to carry him up and down our steep stairs to the bedroom. You see, Scott is a light sleeper and able to sense when Beckett needs to go out at three in the morning. However, Beckett did not need to go outside last night, in fact, he barely moved at all… and when I woke this morning he did not greet me with the sunny wagging of his tail. Instead, he just stared at me, and when I tried to bribe him with his most favorite treat, a peanut butter cookie, he did not budge. It was then and there that I lost it…quickly, I called Scott, and he most patiently listened to all my inarticulate cries.

Then I told him about a very disturbing Facebook message on ZIngertales about my post, The Final Paw's Way of Beckett Blue,  from a woman, Shelly Mandell Bleier, who neither knows me, my family or Beckett… it read:  “just wondering--if you love him so much whaty took you so long to take him to the vet and find out he was in hospice stage. He didn't get there overnight. you might love him---but you neglected his health signs.”

And about my lame retort even though I was so very angry at this woman for taking the opportunty to point her crooked finger of shame at someone (she did not know) and spew all kinds of unneeded vitriol… So not wanting to cause any waves this is how I responded… “O my goodness, so sorry that I gave you the impression that Beckett had not been to the vet in a very long time. Beckett has been under our vet’s care and on pain medication for over a year and a half now. My denial came from the thought that I wanted to believe that Beckett would never die as he has cheated death so many times before.”

Then after about 25 minutes, I told Scott that I was feeling better, ( I was not) , and that I needed to attend to my morning chores… he reminded me not to forget to take care of my computer, whose hard drive is also dying. I promised him that I would.

And after I hung up the phone something awesome happened, Beckett, did rally! He struggled, he stumbled and his legs splayed but he did manage to come out onto the porch and watch over me as I fed and tended to Winston, our Rabbit.

Yes, my denial came from the thought that I wanted to believe that Beckett would never die as he has cheated death so many times before… and it made me so very sad that my little super pup who had taught me so much about perseverance, with his "never give up and never surrender" attitude through many a difficult times and near death experiences!

Hours later, I still could not shake that lone critical voice in the darkness from Facebook … that voice that almost made me want give up writing about these last precious days with Beckett… But then, I thought about  Patricia Arquette’s awesomely brave and well intended speech that was met with roaring applause at the Oscars and on social media on Sunday night. “To every woman who gave birth to every citizen and taxpayer of this nation, we have fought for everybody else’s equal rights,” she said. “It’s our time to have wage equality once and for all and equal rights for women in the United States of America.”  Only to be faced with intense scrutiny hours later after Arquette was accused of having a narrow view of feminism in light of her comments during a backstage interview.

Then I thought about Henrik Ibsen's A Doll's House and Nora Helmer’s scream for understanding… “I am a human being!”

And then my thoughts pondered, how quick, how eager are we to judge one another… as if by judging we are like a miracle of miracles and are miraculously superior to all.

So in closing today, I just wanted to say to that lone dark and critical voice out there in Facebook land, be kind and think before you accuse or scruntize another. We are all just trying to make it through this wondrous and most frightening thing called life and we can use all the help we can get.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

The Final Paw's Way of Beckett Blue

photo by ana traina ~ 2015~

Last Friday afternoon, I stood frozen with fear masked with an understanding attitude as I was told some pretty devastating news at our veterinarian’s office. I learned after taking our dog, Beckett; beloved, crazy, and the pun of practically all our family’s jokes, in for some blood work… however, no blood work was needed by our very skilled vet to know  that Beckett was in the hospice stage of his life, and all we could really do is keep him pain free and comfortable.

Yes, I agreed. I was on the same page as the doctor… and after paying and listening to the clinical instructions of Beckett’s meds, we left the office.

Shocked, I cleaned my car of Beckett’s prior “little accident” so that we could drive home. Then armed with my new-found knowledge, I gentle picked up Beckett and placed him in his seat and hopped in the car.  I then quickly glanced over at Beckett who was riding shot-gun with me before starting the car. “No, I am not going there,” I commanded myself as I backed the car up.  Driving down route 295, a road that I have driven down countless times, now began to take on a warped reality - it was as if I was driving through some thick translucent, wobbly jelly.

This is the power of denial, I knew Beckett was not well for sometime…that his accident (being hit by a car on his 1st birthday) was catching up to him at thirteen. However, I would not let my thoughts wander anywhere near that corner of truth— until those actual words were spoken, “Beckett is in the HOSPICE STAGE of his life.”

Now, with nowhere to escape this bit of bad news, I was confronted with all kinds of thoughts. How was I ever going to tell Liam, our son, that his Beckett was dying? Tears started to well up as I scrambled to play a song or two of Hozier… that should lift my spirits, I thought.  And it did for a minute or two when another thought occurred to me — What was the purpose of Beckett’s life or anybody’s life for that matter.  I mean, if all living beings have souls, and I do believe they do…and then it dawned on me, his sole purpose in his life was to love and to be loved… and he is loved and he does love unconditionally. He gives great joy, tender kisses, and is a witness to our lives, and in return, he is doted on, caressed and seen. Many, many, memories he has made and continues to make…

O' the enormity of it all... I had to
pull my car over to the side of the road… to be continued 

Monday, May 19, 2014

The Poet's Path...

Photo by Anastasia Traina ~ 2014 ~

Needed this today!

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. "

Thank you ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Spring Opus # 4

photo by Anastasia Traina ~ 2014 ~
All at once there were
dandelions, violets, and tulips
loudly playing Spring Opus #4
as the honey bees
waltzed in the wind.

I clumsily tried to follow
their freewheeling sway.
Shamelessly, I twirled myself

Opening my heart
once again to the unimagined,
and this time I didn’t even
trip on the trumpet vines’
cloaked heart.